Team Hitman vs Team Rangeman
by Honey BeeMee
Summary: This is just a dumb im conv. that my friend and I did. We role played as the Hitman cast and Stephany Plum cast, 2 each. If you know either the Hitman game or the Stephany Plum series, you might find this funny. If you know both, then all the better.


Here is a little im conversation my friend and me had one night when we were bored. We like to do role playing, it's really fun, and we come up with some pretty wild scenarios. If you are familiar with the PS2 game, Hitman, and Stephanie Plum books, then these characters will be familiar to you (all except Cassandra and Cora if you haven't read my other plum stories.) Cassandra is my friend's character creation, and she is 47's girlfriend she uses with him. She's cool. I guess my friend though 47 needed a girlfriend or was lonely, you know, since he killed all his test-tube-siblings and all. And Cora isn't Ranger's girlfriend in my stories, but it worked here. This story has no connection with my others except the characters, since it was all just fun. I hope you enjoy it too.

8/17/2006

**crazyhorse**: oh well. In this story i am god. and if thats the way i say she spells her name, then by thunder thats how she shall spell it! and she'll like it, and be thankful that she is able to spell her name in the way that the lord hath said, because i, the lord of this world i hath created, says that the spelling of cheyenne shall be thus, and it shall be good. (And there was much rejoycing, "Yeay.") And thus spake the lord to those who shalt listen, for those listeners are the listeners of the good and the good shall inherit the pen of the future that hath not yet been written. Because the lord shall write the future when the future writing is right, as the lord sees it shall be.

**crazyhorse**: okay, please take me off my high horse, just reach up there and pull me down or shove me off the other side! The lord needs help with humility and first person writing

**samurai**: Hey 47! Cassandra! See her? points to cora preaching shoot her.

**samurai**: bang

**crazyhorse**: for the lord doth not know, UUGHHHGHEECK! This is the end... I can feel it... I can see the darkness... i just want you... to do one thing... tell susie i... tell susie i... ring ring, ring ring what the hell? why is there a phone ringing right in the middle of my big dying scene! I can't work like this! I can't work in these conditions. I'll be in my trailer! (Gets up and storms off the set in a huff)

**samurai**: 47 and Cassandra: er...

**samurai**: 47: we're still going to get paid right? Cassandra: yeah, cause i need a new kevlar vest and some armor piercing bullets and a manicure

**crazyhorse**: (Agent representing 47 and Cassandra walks in, cigar in mouth, contract in hand) "You're damn right gonna get paid. We're under contract to get paid for this picture, whether we finish it or not. Just because some whinny-ass actor can't handle the pressure. That ain't gonna stop you from your check, and my 20 cut. If they stiff you a single penny, you let me know and i'll get the best lawyers money can buy. you'll walk out and i'll make sure those pencil pushers in the office never make another picture in this town again!

**crazyhorse**: (I picture him like Mr. Marks in the accounting firm in The Producers)

**crazyhorse**: or danny devito works too

**samurai**: 47: when did we get an agent? Cassandra: i dont know. shall we get rid of him? 47: sure aims gun "BANG"

**samurai**: 47: we dont need an agent

**samurai**: Cassandra: and who said that creep gets 20? i dont think so bud!

**crazyhorse**: "See if i ever represent you again. You can negotiate your own contracts from now on, see how far you get." Ugh, dies.

**crazyhorse**: (Joe walks in) "Hey, that was my agent too, he was negotiating salaries for Transporter 3!" (Ranger walks in behind) "Mine too! He was negotiating the same thing for Transporter 3 for me too!" (Ranger and Joe are both wearing vests, and reach back for their very big guns and aim at 47 and cassandra. The rest of the movie crew exit rapidly from the soundstage, with little dignity. One little guy get tangled in the wires, and trips.)

**samurai**: 47 and Cassandra look at each then split up, running at each side of ranger and joe.

**samurai**: Cassandra draws two sai's and throws. 47 whips out his custom ballers and begins firing.

**samurai**: one of Cassandras sai's hits 47 in the shoulder. one of 47's bullets hits cassandra in the leg. Ranger and Joe stand in the middle completely unscathed

**samurai**: 47 and Cassandra: OW!

**crazyhorse**: Ranger and Joe open fire, Ranger taking 47 and Joe taking Cassandra, but everyone is wearing kevlar vests, so not much is done. Joe and Ranger both duck Cassandra's sai's, and they imbed in the concret wall beside the door.

**samurai**: 47: hey wait. i thought one got me in the leg? Cassandra: i threw a third when you werent looking

**crazyhorse**: the little guy tangled in the wires passed out when the charge began, long ago pissed his pants. Which is why he is forever know as PissPants Patrick

**crazyhorse**: Or, for short, PP

**samurai**: Cassandra: what the hell is that smell? 47: urine. patrick pissed his pants.

**crazyhorse**: who lives with his mommy

**crazyhorse**: All four make scrunchy faces, and go Eew.

**samurai:** Cassandra: not anymore. we took out a hit on her this morning.

**crazyhorse**: Joe "Yeah, i had to clean it up. Thanks."

**samurai**: 47: you didnt have to hear Cassie bitch about how she got blood on her brand new silk shirt.

**crazyhorse**: Joe "i have a girlfriend too, i can only imagine. When will they ever learn, don't wear silk to a hit."

**samurai**: Cassandra: oh shut up!

**samurai**: begins firing at joe, ranger and 47. all run for cover

**crazyhorse**: Ranger "what color was it? sounds sexy. Oh shit! Whach where you fire that thing!" Joe ducks behind the camera trolley

**crazyhorse**: Ranger, "What are we fighting for? There tons of scummy agents out there. And we could all be in Transporter 3." Joe: "No way, I'm the only good guy. You agreed to be the bad guy, but I doubt these guys would agree to that."

**crazyhorse**: Ranger "Hey, i never agreed to be the bad guy. You said we would e the good-guy team." Joe, "i told you that, and you agreed to it last night." Ranger: Liast night at the bar! Joe: Yeah. Ranger: Well fuck that, i ain't being no bad guy because you'll kick my ass and i'll loose. In real life, that wouldn't happen.

**samurai**: 47: Hey! Dont go getting any ideas with my girlfriend ya cuban moron.

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: Shut up test tube, i'm negotiating here!

**samurai**: Cassandra gets tired of fighting and shoots Ranger and 47 in the butt

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: Dammit Woman! I got my own woman to do that. She's threatening my front parts, and you're shooting all i got left safe!

**crazyhorse**: Joe laughs in backround

**samurai**: 47: Dammit! i told you to quit doing that! Cassandra: well, you keep going around picking fights so i cant help it

**crazyhorse**: Joe laughs some more at Ranger and 47 rubbing their butts. Joe: I thought Cora stopped threatening to geld you when you started dating her? Ranger: Not completely. The other night she was so pissed i hid the knives to be safe.

**samurai**: 47: wait a minute. Are you Ricardo Carlos Manoso?

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: why?

**samurai**: 47: Some woman called last night by the name of cora wanting to know how much a hit cost.

**crazyhorse**: Joe: yeah he is, and if you want to shoot him, be my guest. I won't look.

**crazyhorse: **Ranger: shit. Joe: what did you do now? why did you have to hide the knives and why is cora hiring a hit on you this time? Ranger: it's probably nothing, she goes through these phases. it's not the first time she's done this, i think.

**samurai**: 47: but it's the first time she's called us. and We're doing discounts this month

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: it'll pass in a few days, i just need to give her time to cool off. Joe: Maybe you should dissapear for those few days. How much did she pay? Few years ago i would have doubled whatever it was

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: yeah, how much am i worth to her?

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: and did she offer to pay for my death with my credit card?

**samurai**: 47: Well, let's see. with the level of training you have and with how tight your security is, we told her no less than 100,000. and yes she did use your credit card.

**crazyhorse**: Joe: You gave her your credit card? your not even married, i thought you were smarter than that. Ranger: I didn't give it to her, but knowing her she would have found it to kill me. Her little touch of ironic humor, sort-of thing.

**crazyhorse**: Joe: that is fucking hillarious when you think of it, paying for your death with your own credit card. Ranger: stop laughing or you're going to sit on a donut the next three months along with 47 and me

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: Cassandra, you're a woman, what do i do? She scares me sometimes because i can't always figure out what she's thinking. Joe: Join the club.

**samurai**: Cassandra sighs and shoots Joe in the butt. "Sorry. he was annoying me."

**crazyhorse**: Joe: Dammit! I wasn't shooting at you! Ranger: Thanks, i feel a little better.

**samurai**: Cassandra: as for your girlfriend, i dont think you should tell me. im likely to take her side and pop you for half the price.

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: well what the hell am i supposed to do! I don't even know why she's mad, I hardly ever do. Just one day evil Cora pops in, and sometimes she tells me whats wrong and sometimes she expects me to already know. Wait a second, did you accept her offer? Because if not she could have gotten someone else.

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: Someone who wouldn't give me the curtesy of telling me they were hired to whack me.

**samurai**: 47: she didnt have the 100,000 so i recommended her to another agency

**crazyhorse**: Joe: why would she go that far? She's never been that mad at you has she? I sure as hell am glad Stephanie never did that to me. Whew, you must be in deep. Poor bastard. Ranger: Shut up Joe, or I'll shoot the other side.

**samurai**: Cassandra: Um... Stephanie Plum? I offered to whack her boyfriend for only five grand.

**crazyhorse**: Joe: You have to get one hundren grand for him and i only get a measley 5 gees! What kind of screwed up buracracy is that! I'll have you know, that I've been targeted by loads of scummy baddass people, and i've survived them all. Besides, I can live with Stephanie, and that in itself is a miricle. Ranger: He ain't exaggerating on that one.

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: Maybe it was her other boyfriend (laughing) Joe: Don't even fuckin' joke about that.

**samurai**: Cassandra: because it'd be too easy to get into your house and kill you than it would ranger's. his place has top security

**samurai**: 47: uh..guys? im really starting to bleed here.

**crazyhorse**: Joe: I have a dog. A big dog, a big mean dog that comes and allerts me whenever someone even steps on my property.

**samurai**: Cassandra: who, Bob? that dogs a pussy. i just give him a couple hot dogs and he shuts right up

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: and my butt hurts.

**crazyhorse**: Joe: Damn dog.

**samurai**: Cassandra: oi. I'd better take this wimp to the hospital before he bleeds to death. bye guys

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: we probably should go to, but Tank has my car. How about your truck Joe? Joe: And get blood on my newly upholstered seats? No way. Call one of your goons, you can afford a new car.

**samurai**: Cassandra: your bleeding too Joe

**crazyhorse**: Joe: Yeah, which is why i don't want to get in my car either.

**crazyhorse**: (Just then, one armed assailent speeds through the open door, knocking a surprized 47 and Cassandra back. he is in black clothing, and a ski mask on, shouting in chineese. Ranger and Joe shoot him together.)

**samurai**: 47: uh oh

**crazyhorse**: Ranger: How bout a coffee after we get stiched up? You can help me with my problem, since i assume it isn't solved. (looks at joe) unless that one was for you?


End file.
